A defeated shadow

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me: your rod and your staff, they comfort me." - Psalm 23:4 

"I assured you it would be okay, that everything would turn out better than you could ever know. You looked at me with doubt. I could tell by the way your eyebrows bent toward your nose and the glimmer of a soon-to-be tear in your eye, you were scared. You turned and looked ahead, at the valley before us. You took a step forward but I pulled you back. Before going any further, I grabbed your hand. You grabbed mine back and gripped it tightly, so tightly. We stepped forward, together.

At first you kept your head up, your eyes not straying to the left or to the right. All seemed to be well. In the beginning, your footsteps were small, the first followed quickly by the second, yet not too far apart. Eventually, it seemed as though they got longer and you began to walk more confidently. For a split second, it almost felt like you loosened your grip on my hand.

You turned your head, only for a moment, but it was one of the longest moments. Harder than anything you've ever experienced, it hit you head on. With your head turned, you didn't see it coming. With your head turned, you almost forgot I was there. But you didn't; you squeezed my hand and I squeezed back.

It was clear how that hit affected you. Your steps got closer and closer to each other and they came much slower. You never let go of my hand, even others may have thought I wasn't there, you never let go.

And as we took each step forward, together, I wondered what you were thinking. I wondered if you were scared. I wondered if you were exhausted. I wondered if you were heartbroken.

Your lips didn't move. They didn't mutter a word, they didn't speak a sentence, they didn't open at all. But your heart did.

Your heart yelled out, piercingly loud, a shout that echoed through the valley of the shadow of death, the deepest, darkest, and longest valley that we've ever set foot in together. Though your lips didn't budge, your heart cried out, 'Lord, I'm scared. Father, I'm exhausted. God, my heart is broken into millions of pieces.'

As a smile grew on my face, I squeezed your hand tighter. I always knew your strength, even when your actions didn't confirm it. I always knew your emotions, even when your face didn't show it. And I always knew your heart, even when your lips didn't speak it. 

'God, I need your strength.' You said to me. 'I can't do this without you.'

And even when your strength was running low, when it seemed reasonable to stop and rest, you kept walking. You kept putting your left foot in front of your right, and then putting your right foot in front of your left, still on the path through the valley of the shadow of death. But yesterday, the shadow of death lost. Today, the shadow of death will lose to me again. And tomorrow, the shadow of death will lose once more.

You gripped my hand tighter and immediately I squeezed back, assuring you that I'm still here."